Stay or go?

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Saturday, June 7, 2014

Michelle: Here’s a common scenario: The first date went well. The woman is attracted to the guy who has all the qualities she’s looking for in a man. Unfortunately, a week passes and the cold reality sinks in that this great guy has no intention of ever seeing her again.

Where did she go wrong? How could she have misunderstood what she thought was great chemistry? Maybe the woman is “assuming” but it’s better to learn the top turnoffs that make good guys wave goodbye. The No. 1 turnoff for men are women who mislead them. It sucks big time for a guy to find out that the woman is not who she’s claiming to be. Be honest. Even if others are not, cannot or will not.

DJ: A woman who is needy for a relationship is not appealing to guys. Unless he’s only after some gut to be gutted out. Reserved and independent women are such a turn-on. Men want some challenge. That’s why we’re into sports. Most guys are intrigued to break through a barrier. But here’s the deal—if we find out that it’s just an act, or she’s just painfully shy or worse, if there’s no substance behind the barrier, we lose interest in breaking it. Sounds inequitable. I know. But male behavior can be puzzling too just as we’re puzzled by women who interest us.


M: Men are turned off by insecure women—one who reads into every comment a guy makes, wants to know right away if date No. 2 can happen tomorrow, asks the guy to call the minute he gets home, etc. This clingy nature screams of a potential needy girlfriend lacking independence. Another turnoff for men is when a woman has the characteristic of a litigation lawyer, except that she’s not in a courtroom. I’m talking about women who give guys the third degree; where the cross-examination begins before the menu arrives and the questions come fast and furious.

Before the woman knows it, the guy begins to feel like a defendant on the stand in a criminal trial. If a guy feels stuck under the interrogation lights, he’ll run for the hills.

Another turn off is a woman who is a no-show, arrives late, changes plans last-minute, loses the guys number, and just doesn’t respect a guy’s time. Fashionably late is one thing; keeping a guy waiting 30 minutes or not showing up is unacceptable.

DJ: It’s also more false than true to think guys go for the loud and flirty type. Okay, we might go that way to scratch an itch. But good relationships are not built that way. We do want to get to know someone we take seriously.

It’s cool to know what’s inside her and I meant that in a figurative sense. If a guy is not inclined to know what makes her laugh, if the list of things he wants to do either by himself or just with his buddies does not become shorter than what it used to be, it’s a possible that he’s not seeing a future with her on it.

Guys make the effort when we love someone. Even if we can’t exactly put our finger on why she reacts differently, we feel bad when she feels bad or upset about something we’ve done or did not do. Our priorities change.

M: If you’re a high-maintenance kind of woman, let me give you the down low: the feeling that nothing is ever good enough makes a guy quit trying to impress. So if he takes you to a nice restaurant even if you’re seated near the bathroom, say thank you anyway. Another turnoff for men is a chatterbox woman. Conversation doesn’t have to be 50 percent talking and 50 percent listening. But if the woman does all the talking, it feels more like a seminar than a date. The opposite is also a turnoff for men.

If the woman is too quiet (and she’s not hearing-impaired), know that it is equally unsettling for the guy if the woman makes them do all the work. Women also lose great guys if they’re notorious for spilling the beans on what went wrong with past relationships. Then there are women who are players.

Good guys like to know where they stand. Be careful about flirting or leading guys on because it might cross over into deception and confusion. Conceited women turn off men as do women who are so anxious about getting married. Intense relationships can be exciting for a good guy, but there’s nothing scarier for a guy than a woman who already talks about walking down the aisle even before he walks or brings her home.

DJ: Wow! You seem to be an expert of reading a guy, Mic. There are times guys go home cross-eyed and drunk while his date has an impression of intoxicated enchantment. And if she’s got a huge ego to fill, she’d buy that even though he’s plainly woozy. No dude can take a smart woman for a ride, particularly if she knows who she is and is comfortable in her own skin. Women who choose to be in a dating relationship because they want to, not because they need to, are just beguiling.

They can strip to the core of their being and can screw the labels attached on them and on others. But at the end of the day, these are just thoughts. Love really has no exclusivity. Anyone can access it. Yes, it seems too simple, really, but who said that the formula for a dating relationship has to be complicated?

Published in the Sun.Star Cebu newspaper on June 08, 2014.


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