BF has become passive

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Sunday, March 16, 2014

Dear Cindy,

There is this guy, a computer engineer in our office. One day he asked me if we could leave the office together after work. I found him smart friendly and very accommodating. There were several nights we left for home together.

He later expressed his feelings for me and my initial reaction was to laugh. I never believed him. But then one day, I realized my feelings started to change into something deeper and meaningful. So I accepted his love. I enjoyed every moment that I was with him.


But this is now the sad part. He has suddenly become passive and does not call me anymore.

He started treating me as if I didn’t exist. When I asked how things were about us, he couldn’t give me answers. Even so, I tried to be patient with him all because I love him so much.

What really bothers me is that he is being inconsistent with his feelings. I have told my story to the Lord so many times. All along I thought that I’d rather follow my heart than go on living without him and I know it’s really hard. Is it okay to initiate the move to talk to him in order to save our relationship? I’m begging for your help, please, I’m “running out of tears.”


Dear Millete,

You must really have cried a river to close your letter with “running out of tears.” But that’s good; yes, crying is good, it’s healthful and therapeutic, too. It will make you see facts clearly and objectively.

With clearer vision, you may be able to see the blessing in your life that came disguised as a heartache. When you asked him “how things were” between you two and he couldn’t give you answers, it may be safe to think that he has not given your relationship much thought; or worse, that he does not have plans for you in his life. Don’t you think so?

You think you cannot go on living your life without him? How well do you really know him? What I think you feel for him is more of infatuation than love. The courtship was exciting, because it was romance that the officemates rooted for. Well, there could be a hundred and one reasons why he’s doing what he does. But whatever it is, that’s not your issue anymore. Just deal with your own issues.

The thing to do now is to grieve for this dying or dead relationship. It was fun while it lasted. Time to move on. Is it possible for you to get another job?

A new environment may do you wonders; a new set of unsolicited advisers cum officemates would be handy, too.

Another way to start your journey back to reality would be to join a retreat or recollection this season of death and resurrection. That way you will be a brand new, lively and a happy lady once again.

God bless,

Published in the Sun.Star Cebu newspaper on March 16, 2014.


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